I have to say that as I get older, I’m much less attracted to young, dumb girls.  I’m still physically attracted to them, I would definitely fuck them, but I’m not trying to get involved in a relationship with them.


I’m not going to introduce any girl to my mother who says things things to me like, “I’m not like other girls.” or “I’ve never done anything like this before.” When I know you are totally like all other girls, and I know for a fact based on performance, this is not the first time you’ve done any of this.

I’m much more likely to date a woman who says, “Fuck you, you’re not putting anything in my ass.” or “Stop being a bitch and fuck me like a man.”




I am a kindergarten teacher and I teach 6 year old math and science.  Like any of you who are also teachers or parents or who have a lot of kid experience for some other reason, you’ve had favorites among those groups of children.  My favorites are always the bad little boys who are smart (like me) or the cute little girls who are shy and quiet (quiet is an awesome trait in a child).  But when I have to choose an ultimate favorite between these two it’s always the boy, cause girls are fucked up and scary.

Because although the boy is bad, I can predict his actions.   Like if there is anything within reaching distance of him, I know he’s gonna try to grab it and use it as some sort of weapon.  Little girls will say terrible things to each other.  Here is a conversation between two 6 year old students of mine.

Girl #1 “Look Albert Teacher, I have a new dress”

Me “Wow, your dress is really pretty”

Girl #2 “That dress isn’t pretty, it’s ugly”

How could I predict that I was going to open the door for that comment?  Girls are fucked up.

Louis CK talks about Daniel Tosh rape joke controversy

<a href=”

” title=”Rape jokes are Okay, if they are funny”>Rape Jokes are Okay if they are funny

I’ve been trying to break into the rape joke genre for a long time now.  I’ve been met with boos and controversy, but I’m happy to see, read, and hear that i’m not the only comedian who thinks there can be some light at the end of this dark rapey tunnel.

Link  —  Posted: July 25, 2012 in Comedy
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A lot of people don’t know that before I came to South Korea to teach English, I worked in an animal hospital.  I worked with mainly dogs and cats.  I studied veterinary medicine at Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana.  I have an associate’s and a bachelor’s degree in veterinary technology.  What does that mean?  It means I was an animal nurse.

Now, when I tell people this, they are so shocked that I left that job to come to Korea.  They think working with dogs and cats is the coolest job ever.  They say, “I would love to work with animals, they are so cute.”

And I always say, “Have you ever tried sticking a needle in a dog’s neck or putting your finger down a cat’s throat, or worse, in its ass?”  Once you are doing things to an animal that it can’t possibly understand, they aren’t cute and cuddly anymore.

I lost my passion for the job because I got into vet med because I love animals.  But in vet med, you don’t play with animals because the only animals you get to spend a lot of time with are sick or injured.  And those animals fucking hate you because all they understand is that you are hurting them.

I couldn’t do it anymore because pet owners are ignorant as to how to properly raise an animal.  So, I came to Korea to teach kids and I realized parents are equally ignorant as how to properly raise children.

Life is full of double standards.  Most noteworthy of which is the double standards between men and women.   These double standards sometimes benefit the women and sometimes benefit the men.  One situation in which women get a lot of attention, but men get almost no counseling or consideration for, is rape.

Most people only think of man rape going on in prisons, but it happens in other places.  Not all men that have been raped are criminals that have accidentally dropped the soap.  I know I’ve heard stories about certain bath houses in Seoul.  There is no one to go to if you get molested as an adult man.  So, any men out there that don’t want to be molested, NEVER FALL ASLEEP AROUND STRANGE MEN!!

I hate when words get a bad reputation.  The word isn’t wrong, it’s the way people use them.  Cause I think words are fun to use and to play with, especially when I’m trying to write comedy material.  One word I’m fond of is “gay”. I use it to describe anything lame, silly, or useless.  And I know that sounds bad, but I don’t think gay people are lame, silly, or useless.  Actually, I find most straight people to be much more lame and useless.   Gay guys do tend to be silly though.

I have definitely used the word gay to describe a person that had nothing to do with whether he has ever sucked a dick or not.  Should I get pissed when someone says, “You know Albert, that gay Mexican guy.” ?

The “N” word might seem like a touchy subject to some people, and it should be.  Because I mean the fact that people can say “The “N” Word” and get away with not saying nigger makes no sense.  What is the difference between referencing to a word and actually saying the word.  Like if you had a kid and the kid said “F you dad!!!”.  Would you be less angry than if the kid actually said “Fuck you dad!!!”?  I think saying, “The “N” Word” is a cop out and so does everyone’s favorite comedian, Louis C.K.

Honestly, racism is such a cliche subject, you should just be honest about your racism.  I’m a Mexican American and I’m saying from experience, if you’re my real friend, you can be openly racist.  I have more respect for people who admit that they believe in stereotypes (Rudy Tyburczy).  I live abroad, in South Korea, and I promise you all that stereotypes are our best source of information for other cultures and countries.

I, for one, admit to the world that I’m a racist, but I’m an equal opportunity racist.  I hate everyone and all ethnicities equally because I grew up in a multi-cultural environment (Chicagoland, NWI) and was lucky enough to see at a young age that everyone sucks, stereotypically.